The Space + 4 Thoughts on Senior Year

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Happy Wednesday!

It has been a week since I started my last year of college.

Let me just take a moment. My last year of college. WHAT?! I am absolutely shocked that I am already a senior in college, and that I turned 22 last Wednesday. I feel like everything is happening so fast! I literally only have one year of college left. Where did the time go? I've been trying to make sense of the crazy start to this crazy year, and I have been having so many thoughts and feelings that it's hard to put into words. But here, I've tried to identify four thoughts that have summed up my general thoughts and feelings about my senior year. Be forewarned, these things are all over the place.

Like my brain.

1. Things have come full circle. 
My dad dropped me off on my first day of class. Just like kindergarten. I'm using a backpack (which I DETEST - I feel like a turtle), because I may graduate without a clue of what I want to do in my life, but I refuse to graduate with a bad back at 22. I actually really love school again. I'm getting to study what I want to study, and I have formed relationships with professors and peers that have made the process of learning so much fun, just like it was in elementary school.

2. *internal screaming*
I don't have a plan. I have an idea of an inkling of a perhaps-I-shall-plan, but no actual plan (coming from the girl with a billion and a half planners). And it kind of makes me want to scream.

Also, I'm writing a thesis. And I'm terrified. Words of encouragement? Anyone?

It has been a year since I studied abroad in France. A whole entire year.

France is calling my name SO BAD. I have literally thought about Caen every day. Every single day. I just have to go back... I have to find my way back. There are some things in the works, and I'm being intentionally vague because I will be so sad if none of it works out. Positive vibes appreciated.

4. The Space.
There's a quote that has been speaking to me for a few weeks now, and I've been meditating on it and thinking about it.

I definitely feel like I'm in that space. I'm no longer a child, a kid, naive and insecure. And I'm not yet an adult, a professional, confident and wise. I'm somewhere in between. I'm riding the space between, and I am doing my best to honor it, because I know that this time and these feelings I have - however complicated and irrational - will never happen again.

This year, I want to live in, breathe, enjoy, and honor this amazing, beautiful, terrifying space.

So, basically, this year is going to be one crazy, awesome, infuriating, emotional hell of a ride! Who else is feeling this way? You are not alone!

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